SOCIAL ANIXETY

[MotherOf2Meowzers]

Hello -

Does anyone else suffer from severe, almost unbearable social anxiety? My social anxiety keeps me awake by replaying conversations I've had with others throughout the day, agonizing over every word, only to start a vicious cycle of self loathing and criticism. Which makes me incredibly apprehensive when I have to interact with co-workers. I find myself unable to maintain eye contact and/or stumbling or stuttering over my words. I then begin trying to avoid any situation that may initiate a conversation, including reaching out for help or assistance if needed. Or it's the complete opposite and I begin excessively talking, unable to comprehend when it's time to stop. Unfortunately, this is only a few of a multitude of ways this presents itself in my life. No matter how it manifests itself, I'm always left feeling humiliated, stupid, panicked and ferociously beating myself up.
This has become so incredibly overwhelming; I've already completely isolated myself from my family and friends, that I'm afraid if this pattern of behavior persists I may just sequester myself away completely.
I'm not even sure if this is a C-PTSD symptom and others have, or if it's a completely different beast in and of itself. I wouldn't be surprised if it's the later.
I'd appreciate any thoughts or advice if available.

-MotherOf2Meowzers

[Rainagain]

Oh yes,
Your post describes how I am too.

Its the cptsd, has to be.

Don't have any advice on how to tackle it, isolation doesn't fix it, just brings other issues.

If I try to socialise I just get exhausted and overwhelmed so have to retreat.

I'm sure everyone on here understands what its like.

[Blueberry]

My social anxiety keeps me awake by replaying conversations I've had with others throughout the day, agonizing over every word, only to start a vicious cycle of self loathing and criticism. Which makes me incredibly apprehensive when I have to interact with co-workers. I find myself unable to maintain eye contact and/or stumbling or stuttering over my words. I then begin trying to avoid any situation that may initiate a conversation, including reaching out for help or assistance if needed.

Replaying conversations in my head and agonising over every word is something I know well.
There are thought-stopping techniques. I use an imagination exercise where I put a stick through the spokes of a turning wheel. Other people go off and do something physically vigorous like sawing logs (though I guess not in the middle of the night) or running up a mountain, others tell their Inner Critic (ICr.) to shut up. Whatever works for you.

Read about ICr. over here http://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=56.0 Having an ICr. is pretty common for us with CPTSD. Your problems could stem from something else, I'm not qualified to rule that out, but otoh this Beast called CPTSD comes in umpteen forms and has kazillions of symptoms.

It's good to learn to manage the symptoms as well as tackling the underlying trauma.

[Kizzie]

I definitely had this is spades MoM2 and it was at worst about 4 yrs ago when I just didn't want to see or interact with anyone any more it was that overwhelming and drinking to numb my SA and other symptoms of CPTSD. I ended up being referred to a psychiatrist by my GP and she prescribed Celexa.  Within about two weeks I felt much better and was able to go out again.  (I'm not pushing meds BTW, I just wanted to share what helped me.)

I also did an online CBT course at Learn to Live, and joined an online support group for SA, both of which also  helped.

Following that I went to work on the underlying cause of my SA (trauma) and joined our sister site OOTF and then here.   As BB suggests "It's good to learn to manage the symptoms as well as tackling the underlying trauma."

Hope this is helpful   

[dur8516]

Motherof2meowzers,
This forum caught my eye because before CPTSD was initially brought up to me, someone had diagnosed me with Social anxiety- That being said I have alot of tips on what was able to help me through anxiety!

For one- It makes it easier on me when I talk to someone I am more comfortable with fairly frequently- a partner, best friend, co-worker you are close to- just someone that you can keep the conversation going about meaningless topics. Even though it isn't always going to be a meaningful conversation, it has always given me the extra boost of positivity in myself that I can actually hold a conversation.

Also, if you have problems finding someone to do that with, it helps to start conversations with strangers about things that can be relatable- If you are at the grocery store- talk about how fresh the lettuce is or how the weather looks so nice out... that also gives me a boost of energy when I need it,and worst case scenario if they walk away you don't need to keep the conversation going because you don't know the person.

The same idea goes for your co-workers though, get comfortable talking about something you can relate on- a client you have per se or some paperwork you did together and maybe you will get more comfortable from there!

Once you feel good about talking with a few people- it only gets easier from there!

[Snookiebookie]

Yup. I get this too!   Feels a bit like. 

I can have conversations replay in my head from years and years ago too.  I sometimes wake at night, in a cold sweat, cringing at what I did and said.  It's excruciating! 

It can put me off saying/doing stuff as I don't want to go through the post mortem afterwards.

[Sceal]

It used to cripple me alot. I'm still nervous, scared and anxious around other people. Even those I call my closest.
I fear that they will reject me - I think is what is at the core for me. That they will simply just realize that I am not enough and that they don't want to deal with me anymore. But it has taken me years, and years of incredible hard work with therapists to get from the incredible crippled state where I was to where I am today.  Although I think that the main reason why it took so long as it did was because I was misdiagnosed for so many years, so I don't want to want to alarm you that it'll take as long for you.
But regardless if you have "only" social anxiety or c-ptsd, or ptsd, it doesn't really matter - the thing that helps is training your brain to realize that not all the social situations are actually a threat by doing exposure therapy.

There's sometimes a misconception about exposure therapy, often people think that it means to push your self really hard and just "Do It" (whatever "it" is) enough times and it gets better. That's not how it works. Exposure therapy is different to each person, but the fundamentals are the same. You have to push past your own boundaries just a tiny step, maybe just the tip of your toe, and experience that the world didn't explode. And then do it again, and again, and again. Then you push past that boundary a little again and again. It requires ALOT of a person, and it doesn't really work well when you're in a hypervigilant state.

It might take time, but the good news is that our brains do learn over time, they like learning. So there is hope that you will get better! 

[memorex]

Heck yes! Thought I was the only one so I thank you for posting about this. Took courage. All I know is its partly related to my mood, so when I feel worse, I feel more insecure, and then more socially anxious.

I also know that support, empathy, love and encouragement really help me blossom, and where I have this, it helps. That being said, when I learn more about myself and the cost of my childhood, or gain insight, or process long held pain, then again I also feel more socially anxious for a time.

I feel boundaries are issues for me in that unless they are clear, I find things difficult. Like if I knew an event was business related and small talk kept to a minimum, I would be okay ish. Or the opposite, if in some group therapy thing if we were told to discuss deep things, I would be alright. But real life, where its not so straight forward, where its sometimes hard to know the balance, where there is more risk for me of feeling rejected, or feeling shame? Thats where I fall.

I think for me its because I still a) dont really accept myself, and b) Im still working at self soothing and things needed to cope with my emotions (such as fear, rejection), that may arise.

I dont know if any of this gives any insight, but I hope things improve for you.

[CatMama]

Thank you so much MotherOf2Meowzers for posting this.

I am new to this forum and really connect with this post.
This sounds exactly like what I go through on a daily basis. I overanalyze every interaction with everyone I meet.
Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy because I can't stop replaying conversations I've had, the worst is at night when I am trying to go to bed. 

I also really connect to you saying that you stutter and avoid looking people in the eyes. I work in customer service and lately it has become extremely difficult for me to talk to people. Some days I just have to take the day off because the thought of interacting with another human causes too much anxiety.

For so long I thought my social anxiety wasn't related to my childhood trauma, or that I had OCD because of my obsessive thoughts, but my therapist really opened by eyes to the fact that this is just another symptom of CPTSD.

Thank you everyone for your advice on how to cope with this.