Yesterday

[stepintothesun]

SO, I was stuck in a bad EF yesterday. When I have them, loud noises and lots of people can make me break down. My parents insisted we go out, despite my insisting that I needed to go to bed (I worked 70+ hours last week and was wiped). The whole ride there, my brother was playing loud music and telling me I was "too picky" for asking him to turn it down. Completely ignored me. My parents pushed me and pushed me to go into an area with tons of people, where some of them would be watching me. They eventually let me sit outside, where I almost lost it.
We then stopped for ice cream, and instead of doing the drive through, we went in. It was awful. The lights were too bright, everything was too loud, talking and breathing were hard. My parents ignored how I was feeling (like usual) and pushed me to sit with them.
This morning, I asked my mom to stop making digs at my dad (it triggers me really bad) and she laughed it off. My dad however, said he wanted to hear more from me so they can try and make things better (which they've said before ad never followed through with).
I don't think I can keep living with them, especially since my mom gets super upset if we go to our rooms and don't spend time with her 24/7. I have no where else to go, though.

[Rainagain]

Hi,

Having your needs trampled and being forced into situations you really don't need to face is going to cause you lots of stress.

Could you try talking to your dad on his own? He seems more open to what you need and an ally is always useful.

Sorry you had such a draining day, I can't do crowds at all so I understand what it would have felt like.

[Kizzie]

Hey Ry, I can relate to being overwhelmed by lights and noise and people.  When you think about the amount of stress and trauma underlying our CPTSD it's no wonder, our nervous systems are so overloaded and worn down.

Do you have a physician you could talk to about what is going on with you? That might be a first step toward getting a diagnosis and then follow-on treatment and services. 

[stepintothesun]

Kizzie,
Thanks for your response. I was seeing someone while I was away at school, but not since I've been home. It took them a while to let me see someone in the first place, even when they knew I was SH'ing. I feel like I can't ask because then the questions will start, and I can't see anyone on my own, I don't even know where to start.

[Kizzie]

Again, a physician would be the place to start as they do know of resources to help people n situations like yours, both mental health and other services.