My life is a neverending chain of things that overwhelm me but that I don't emotionally process right now (lots of feeling numb, not venting/crying/feeling). The latest thing in the chain is someone who called themselves my 'friend' after only knowing me for a short time (I would never have called them this because I think I would need to really know and trust someone before I did that). They charm bombed me very heavily for a very, very short amount of time at the start of our acquaintanceship. We're the same gender and I thought they might be a real friend. We had a long list of things in common, which I was very surprised by but it didn't ring any alarm bells. Then they told me that they were interested in persuing a relationship with me. I turned them down (I'm not gay or interested in dating at all) but I didn't want to offend them or lose a decent possible friendship and so agreed to their suggestion to meet up again soon (my subconscious felt like it was a way for them to get around me turning down).
**TW**
Not long later, I got more grounded in myself and I was realising what was going on and feeling like they'd been covertly walking me right into an abusive sexual relationship against my expressed will - like I was blindfolded, and the change in the relationship was happening TO me and they were trying to keep it hidden so that I wouldn't realise. I feel horror having written that. It's sick. They tried to guilt me into starting a relationship with them, they looked at me like I was a sex object and made it blatant! And I couldn't react! I didn't feel anything! I was just retraumatising myself and couldn't feel any of my real feelings! It's disgusting. And now the shame is coming up. I don't even feel like what I've described qualifies as 'real' covert SA, perhaps it's my critic. I'm scared that people on here will say it there wasn't really anything sexualised about it.
They walked over almost all of my boundaries (they were all down anyway, because of the retraumatisating part of me), and tried to invade every area of my life - it's nuts. I know what abusive romantic/sexual relationships look like, I can recite many of the warning signs, but suddenly I found myself feeling isolated from everyone else and guilty about spending time with other people. This disgusting, pathetic predator even tried to punish me for talking to other people - even if I was with them at the time. They turned out to be a horrible, spiteful, petty and manipulative pervert - but I kept thinking that they must have CPTSD too and they weren't really a PD person. It turned out they had been watching me for a while and plotting how to approach me, even talking to other people about me to find out what things to pretend to like - because all the things we seemed to have in common were lies and they turned to verbally abusing me quickly.
It's sick. So sick. They acted like they were entitled to everything about me, and were so abusive.

Thankfully the physical stuff didn't go beyond 'accidentally' bumping into me (and lightly hitting me with objects), but I still feel violated. I don't feel like I own my body, I don't feel safe, and I'm struggling to sleep because of how tense and vulnerable I feel. All of my CPTSD reactions to being triggered by SA stuff were set off by this abuser but I didn't realise what was going on. They treated me like I was dirt under their feet.
I'm sorry if anyone finds this too emotional or messy, I think writing it down is somehow unlocking my feelings more than when I've tried to talk about it.