Welcome! Wanted to respond to some specifics in your post if that's okay - if not please disregard.
I've subsequently experienced physical and sexual violence in my adult life and haven't sought help for any of it, believing it just didn't matter, that it was my fault and I needed to deal with it and move on.
It matters. You matter. Your abuse was not your fault. This is a very common issue with a lot of us here, who have had our feelings minimized as you have.
no one mentioned emotional neglect, or CPTSD, my problems were blamed on my brain chemistry or my beliefs and choices.
This makes me feel a bit angry toward those who have hurt you and then blamed you for being hurt!
I feel like a fraud for trying to be part of this community, because I only had emotional neglect from my parents, but it set me up for unconsciously neglecting and abusing myself, for bringing further trauma into my life and making it impossible for me to seek help and support from anyone, no matter how bad it got.
All abuse is harmful, but if I'm not mistaken I believe I've read that neglect is the most harmful form of abuse, as it conditions us to believe we are nothing and to not seek help for problems that arise. You're not a fraud, you belong here, and deserve our support as a fellow survivor of
trauma.
I hope to hear more from you. I'm sorry you have had cause to have sought us out but am glad this forum exists for all of us. Thanks for joining!
