Hypervigilance - new member

[Tom]

Greetings. 
I feel odd about this but hope someone can help me with recommendations for books or other websites.  I have been told by counselors that I have Hypervigilance.  When I look up the symptoms they fit me perfectly.  The more I read about it the more confused I have become.  I do not remember any trauma that "triggered" this Hypervigilance.  I also do not remember a time I was not like this.
As an example, I remember being 6 years old, sitting in the backseat of the car watching my father drive and trying figure out exactly how to do what he was doing "In case something happened and I had to take over"
I have been like this my whole life and it is exhausting.  Always on high alert.  My Medical Doctor has diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I think the Hypervigilance came before the GAD, in fact I think it may have caused it.  If I could stop being on high alert all the time maybe I could get some rest.  If I got some rest maybe the anxiety would ease.  It is like a positive feedback loop.  Each issue making the other issue stronger.
I read about what people here have gone through and I am embarrassed to even mention my issue but I am desperate for help.

[jamesG.1]

Hi

well, it may be a more clinical reason. Having looked a lot into the brain and its role in C-PTSD and anxiety it could well be that you have a stronger threat response by default. But scanning the net quickly it's hard to find examples of it where trauma has not been a factor.

Although we mostly have abuse triggers in here that range from severe to appaling, I can perfectly imagine scenarios where a child may be severely startled and traumatised by something non-abusive at an early age and be set on a path where hypervigilance kicks in. This could even be second hand where you are maybe reaction as a very small child to trauma in parents in some scenario such as a near car crash or a family event such as a death etc. It's possible.

But in the meantime, I'd assume it's a non-trauma cause and see if you can sort it out using low-level meds and reading up on ways to teach yourself to overcome it. My personal experience and this is just me talking here, we are all different, is that antidepressants can smother you too much and cause too much brain fog. Yes they can save lives when suicidal thinking is a factor, but they can give you a whole new set of problems down the line. What I have found effective for general anxiety is a beta blocker, propranolol, which I only use when I sense an anxiety attack is on the cards. Side effects are minimal.

This book is also pretty good at helping to rewire anxiety.

https://www.amazon.com/At-Last-Life-Paul-David/dp/0956948103/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529823739&sr=8-1&keywords=at+last+a+life

But in the meantime, try not to see it as your brain working against you. There will be some reason why your brain thinks it needs to do this and you may find it ok to just accept it a bit more and stop struggling as with so many mental health issues, the struggle is usually half the problem. Accept it as part of who you are for now and let it wash over you. Keep a journal maybe and look for patterns, go all science on it and make a game of it, if you build up some data you may start to develop tactics to step around the open manhole covers instead of falling down them.

Good luck!

[Rainagain]

Hi Tom

Welcome to the forum, I hope it helps.

James has offered some sound advice already, I was wondering if you feel safer in certain places and less so in others?

If GAD is like cptsd then trying to feel safe is important.

For me I can manage to do stuff as long as I get enough time away from things that wear me down, like people.

[Tom]

Thank you for your feedback.  I am getting a copy of the book.

Current strategies I am using

1.Mild Antidepressant - Venlafaxine
2.Journalling
3.Yoga
4.Exercise - jogging, biking, walking .. minimum of 4 miles per day
5.Mindfulness
6. Sometimes add sleep aid .. tried Ativan for a month, tried Zopiclone, Melatonin, Have a regular sleep routine
7.Many counselors

I have been unable to identify triggering agents for my Panic Attacks.  I average from 1 to 6 per day.  Today had a panic attack watching TV after I got home from work.  No reason for it, it just happens.

I am able to hold a job but struggle to maintain healthy personal relationships, driving everyone away.  I have 4 children and 3 of them do their best to avoid me.  I am concerned if I do not find something to control my overreaction to things I am going to drive everyone away and end up alone.

[jamesG.1]

Try painting. Get some cheap canvases and just go abstract with colours you like. It's extremely relaxing and diverts your head like nothing else. Art materials are soooo cheap now.

Do you constantly think you should be doing something else btw? What's the work ethic thing in your family like? That sort of programming can do deep.