Journaling trauma?

[Sadie48]

Since going NC with two members of my family, I have thought about specific instances of trauma several times as justification.  I wonder if writing those examples down will be helpful.  Maybe it is the result of having cptsd, but my own recollection of events is weak.  And like much of family trauma, it was hidden -- harsh words spoken to me alone or being the sole witness of inappropriate behavior.   My siblings and I have never really talked about it, and only one of them agrees that we were traumatized. 

Has anyone else journaled their trauma to bring it into focus or to serve as a written reminder that the behavior was not normal?

[Eyessoblue]

Yes I do it regularly, also try writing it with your non dominant hand, I found writing my childhood traumas with my non dominant hand made the writing look like that of the child and also by using my left hand as opposed to my right it collects information from the other side of brain. Once I'd written it I take it outside and burn it with a lighter this is quite cathartic and also you can't re read it or retraumatise yourself.

[Sadie48]

Thanks, eyesoblue.  Those are helpful ideas. 

[LilyITV]

Sadie, I've decided I'm going to start journaling.

I can really identify with what you said about your recall of specific traumatic events being weak.  It's really tough to recall specific incidents of abuse when the family environment was just oppressive in general.  That was just how life was for us and back then I thought it was "normal."  Also, for me, my dad never physically abused us in a way that left marks and the emotional abuse was usually more subtle than yelling and name-calling, but just as damaging.

Now that I'm a parent myself, I can recall more about family life when I take my kids to visit my father.  There have been incidents that have happened where I've felt like I had to "protect" my children from emotional harm.  There have been other times where my dad has given me parenting advice that I now recognize can be traumatic/unhealthy for a child.   In those moments, when it's directed at my children, it helps me to understand the magnitude of what I went through as a child and to recall certain things that he did to me that should have never happened. 

My children only see my father occasionally, but then I think back to how as a child, I was with him 24/7 and had no one to come and "save me".  Even though I don't remember the exact things that he did, it helps me remember how abnormal my childhood was and why I developed C-PTSD.