New to flashback management and I have many questions.

[likenightandday]

It's taken me 3 years to finally get over my inner critic and read Pete Walker's book. I now accept that I was brought up by abusive monsters.

I've been trying my best to be consistent with my flashback management and inner child work. The more I've been experiencing time in which I'm not in a flashback, the more I've analysed my life and realised that many of my actions and thoughts were not the real me. I have moments these days where I feel present in the real world, in my real body, for the first time. The only problem is that now I don't know what my real interests, are or what my real desires are, or who I really am. I also feel like I don't even really like many of the people in my life. When I'm not in my people-pleasing state then they suck, but, then I start to feel guilty about thinking that they suck and then I find myself going back into my old habits. I've been wondering if it's ok for me to just cut these people out of my life? What if I end up completely alone? How do I know who is a good person? How do I know that it's not my judgemental inner critic making me isolate from others?

I feel like I want to explore everything, just as a kid would, in order to figure out what my interests are. But I'm not sure where to start. Even having these thoughts are beginning to make me feel ashamed because "who the * are you to have interests and like things and be your own person". I'm wondering if I'm making sense? Has anybody else experienced this after coming out of a period of flashbacks?

[Kizzie]

I have moments these days where I feel present in the real world, in my real body, for the first time. The only problem is that now I don't know what my real interests, are or what my real desires are, or who I really am... I'm not sure where to start. Even having these thoughts are beginning to make me feel ashamed because "who the * are you to have interests and like things and be your own person"

Unfortunately the ICr just makes it difficult for us to find out who we are, what we like and want/don't want, etc., when it is    at us. Maybe the place to start is with a bit more work on shrinking your Inner Critic? I've found that my ICr fills a lot of space and takes a lot of energy when it gets going so I have to wrangle it before I can move into a healthier, more positive space.