My M didn't do her best

[Albnsc2012]

TW
I am a 50 year old woman. My M molested me among other things. I feel that she failed me and didn't do her best in raising me. My therapist wants me to rewrite my past and I know this will come up. It seems like this is said in a lot of self help books, that the abusers and other adults did their  best. I just don't see it that way. Am I wrong thinking that she did not do her best?

[Blueberry]

Hello Albnsc2012,

No, I don't think you're wrong on this. In healing from cptsd I've found it important to be able to express what I see and think and feel. Not having to swallow all this stuff back down as I did in childhood. If you feel she didn't do her best, then that's the way you feel. You were there in your childhood. The therapists weren't, the self-help authors weren't, even your FOO weren't in your shoes. Just you were and your truth on a non-provable fact is no less valid than anybody else's and in this case more valid imho. 

I don't know that any of the self-help books that say abusers "did their best" are trauma-informed. fwiw my current T doesn't come up with that kind of statement. At the very least he'd see it as irrelevant. How is claiming that meant to help me heal?? Ts in the past (that weren't really trauma-informed though they claimed to be so) said that and similar.

P.S. Your statement "My M didn't do her best" is really powerful! I feel empowered when I read it.