Do we ever "get over" C-PTSD?

[safetyinnumbers]

Is recovery possible? Or is it a case of management for the rest of my life? Is this forever?

[woodsgnome]

Hi, safetyinnumbers, 

I think that's the question that haunts everybody here. Speaking for myself, it's a fear that at times has gripped me so tight as to feel like I can't breathe I get so tense. Then there's the variables--everything from just giving up to throwing objects, crying to screaming in rage (preferably when alone, so it takes some self-care to stay and feel safe--or, in my case, just stay away from people as best I can).

This may sound like ducking the question, but I really feel there is no one-stop fits-all answer. I used to search endlessly for the way, the shortcut or trick to turn the tide towards recovery. Except it's not for sure exactly what recovery even is. Is it elimination of symptoms? A balancing act? A never can be outcome creating false hope? Have I said anything about no answers yet?

There's a phrase I've heard over the years that goes along the lines of "living the questions". When I read over old journals, there's way more questions than solid answers. I have certain ways that make me feel better, some techniques that can divert the pain for a while, but none of them seem like a permanent for-certain fix I'll feel okay about and be able to move on from.

Speaking for myself only, I've narrowed what I want to do with and about this to what I call "just being". Nothing elaborate, just trying to find a pace to life that I can handle. In other words, I'll keep wondering but with less desperation; considering the heart's desires over the monkey mind chatter, and live accordingly in the best way I can learn to be at peace with myself. This won't be perfect, but I can't control daily life, let alone these effects of cptsd over a span of decades.

I thought I could manage this via some grand formula, but found it better to stay flexible, as I've learned and accepted things I once thought I never would. Will it result in something I can identify as a cure or at least a healing? The latter seems somewhat within reach, while I doubt that the deep wounds could ever fully be called cured.

But maybe the healing will be better anyway? Sorry I do tend to get philosophical--after all, none of why I think this way makes any sense anyway. Coming from an impossible situation will do that, I guess. Maybe that's even the elusive answer--take a breath and know that at least you survived.

All of that said, I hope it makes some little bit of sense to someone. And for sure there may well be others who don't feel that way at all. It's the nature of this beast. Frustrating lots of times; I wanted so much for perfection, to make sure that what happened would be washed away...all I'm left with is the notion that I'm still here (though I have my doubts sometimes), and some days are better than others.

[mourningme]

I think that's the question that haunts everybody here. Speaking for myself, it's a fear that at times has gripped me so tight as to feel like I can't breathe

HAUNTS is incredibly accurate.

I would also love to know the answer to this