Yoga

[safetyinnumbers]

I started doing yoga again, especially because Dr Bessel van der Kolk writes that it is helpful. While I find it helpful, especially the focus on deep breathing, the perfectionist in me struggles with not being able to do the poses "right" because my body is bigger and less flexible. And as I have learned to quiet my thoughts in the relaxation pose at the end, I have found that the inner mind holds stuff that I don't want to see. The instructor encourages us to turn the focus inwards rather than out, looking for what's inside our minds. On one occasion as she asked us to notice how our bodies feel after the practice, my brain replied that I feel terrible inside. I caught a glimpse of the true self inside, the unguarded me that is hurting. The guarded me keeps up the happy, in-control facade to the world. But when I saw that inner reality, I felt suddenly sad and hurting. Then the next class, the instructor was talking about the 8 arms of yoga practice which involve things like ethical behaviour, the physical practice, the awareness of the breath, meditation and aiming for a state of enlightenment. I escaped an abusive religious cult. The words she spoke sounded like religion and I had a strong urge to get up and run away. I stayed though and did the class and I'm glad I did but it took so much strength to overcome that urge.
I've finished the yoga beginner's course and next term it will be regular classes without discussion on yoga philosophy. I hope that I can get back to enjoying the practice and celebrate my body's achievements and not be freaked out by my internal feelings.

[Eyessoblue]

Hi I was recommended to try yoga but also told that as I have cptsd I need to do start with restorative yoga and then move on to kundalini yoga which is the healing one. I was told the other types would be too much for me.

[Blueberry]

I've been doing yoga off and on for years. It's taken quite a long time for me to get there, but I look for my body's impulses and act accordingly. Like, if I don't want to close my eyes, I don't. Or if I notice I'm getting restless or even somehow triggered in savasana (relaxation pose) I move to lie on my side instead of on my back. I used to be 'admonished' about that by yoga instructors who kept saying 'lie on your back, lie on your back' till I eventually acquiesced. But now I tell an instructor in advance that I have cptsd and sometimes have to adjust accordingly. The places where I practise yoga now accept that.

With yoga philosophy and things like reincarnation, I often run a dialogue with my inner children saying that's what the yogis believe but my inner children and I don't have to.

I love the chanting yogis do, it does me a lot of good. I also join in meditation but if I feel anything coming up in me, I interrupt immediately and don't go back into it. Though I can understand if you've been in an abusive religious cult, that might all be pretty triggering.

[mercury]

You know, I was about to post the same thing. I also find yoga enormously helpful. I understand the need for trauma-sensitive yoga for some people, but I've had good experience with most smaller-classes 'mainstream' yoga.

I moved recently and haven't found a new place that I like yet, but I've been having a lot of success with Yoga by Adriene (she has her own site, but is also on Youtube). She has plenty for weightloss/fitness/flexibility, but additionally very many videos for anxiety, stress, finding self-love, that sort of thing. I normally dislike the new-agey side of yoga (no offence to anyone), but her approach seems really approachable. Also, she has a lot of videos that are both restorative AND have a physical focus - so I can do yoga for my anxiety and my really stiff hips at the same time!

On the topic of it being triggering to not be doing the pose 'right', I totally get you on that and have definitely had that experience. Another vote for Adriene, and a quote from the last video of hers I did - making an adjustment for your body isn't a 'damn I suck' - it's a positive thing you're doing for your body, a kindness to support yourself when you need it, etc. I don't know, it suddenly really hit me in the right way and made sense.

She was recommended to me by a dear friend that has very serious anxiety issues, and had found a lot of success coping through yoga.

It feels good to do something with and FOR my body, like yoga, that is good. I've spent so long hating myself as a physical object, or feeling like my body is an instrument of suffering for others to use to hurt me with... It feels good to have a positive experience with it.

[Elphanigh]

I am so glad someone posted about this! Thank you for bringing it up.

Yoga has become a form of processing, as well as a coping mechanism for me over the last several years. It does depend what type of yoga I am doing as well as what my intention for the practice is. That varies a lot.

Someone mentioned starting with restorative. In my experience that is the most helpful to my cptsd symptoms if I need to calm and ground. I do find though that things like hatha and aerial help by way of me taking my own power back, which tackles symptoms in a different way.

Sorry feel like that was a rant. I get excited about yoga, to the extent I want to start a yoga teacher training class in January so I can do things kike teach yoga for survivors and have the same affect on others that my yoga studio has on me

[I got this]

Id say that learning the proper, full and slow/steady breathing, plus some stretches and leg balances, is way more important than moving around a lot and doing 'pretzel' or fast/strong yoga.
Yoga got caught up in an adult cycle of my trauma, so that I was triggered into EF when I went to yoga!  It was a catch 22!!  After a long break, I went back but am way less demanding of myself,  I modify poses too.  The teachers just know I have a 'medical condition' and self manage during classes.  Meditation is a real help as it quietens the amygdala of brain, the part that generates fear and hypervigilence.  I am a MUCH calmer, happier and balanced person when I meditate regularly.
A well meaning teacher advised me to give it a break if I was feeling anxious but this was very bad advice to give me.  I then got out of the habit of meditating, and amygdala went beserk and then it became very very hard to settle for meditation.  I'm still finding my way back. 
I love mantra and breath awareness meditations. With a little practice, it becomes much easier, and the thoughts naturally swing there, instead of to old intrusive thoughts. 
  I always think its a shame when theres a 'hard' physical class for an hour, with hardly any breaks, followed by a 2-5 minute lie down!  Thats just the fashion these days.  In my opinion, A good yoga class should include a 10 or more minute relation at the end.

[Rainbow2]

hi safety in numbers.. i am sorry to hear how you were struggling with your inner world in your yoga practise. Maybe with more practise those internal feelings would be easier to sit with and maybe they would even '' shift '' onto something nicer.
I think a lot of yoga helps us to focus on ourselves, our bodies and our minds the way we move the way we breath , being in the '' moment '' '' in the now '' , i guess yoga is about grounding, feeling safe and releasing tension etc.

I practise yoga a lot, mainly off you tube. I practise all sorts of yoga styles, hatha, vinyasa, power, restorative, ..... i like all of them ...
there are so many benefits to practising yoga and i actually read how it is a very good form of healing for trauma victims.

surely its about finding relaxation ,peace and calm or letting go of anything negative.. stress, anxiety , fear.

As far as your weight is concerned, yoga can help one to lose weight and also increase flexibility so maybe keep with the practising of it and things might get easier?

I love yoga ...

[Boy22]

It is interesting to read the responses in this thread.

I have been lucky to find the right yoga class for me. And today, for the first time ever, I have been able to relax the last part of me that has been locked rigid for who knows how long.

[salto]

Reading this post with interest. I've just tried yoga at home, so my opinion may not count. Somehow every time I try it, I fall into dissociation......Was reading an article that said yoga would help you stay out of dissociation.... I'm a bit confused.... Anyone here with another experience?

[LearnToLoveTheRide]

Hi

I have 28 years of teaching Martial Arts under my belt (pardon the pun). That's perfectionism run wild for you. I started doing yoga about 3 years ago, and at first, I was always concerned about how well I was doing; were my poses perfect; who in the class was better than I was. It was not relaxing.

Finally I just surrendered. I released all expectations of myself and my body. I made it my time to just be myself... it was - and still is - great fun.

Easy does it...LTLTR

[Blueberry]

salto, I have years of experience on and off with yoga. It may help tons of people with cptsd but it may not help all.

You say you are doing it at home. Are you using YouTube or a CD? Or just trying the exercises on your own? It could be that the instructions in whatever way you receive them are throwing you off kilter. It seems that something is bothering you and leading you to dissociate. I would take that seriously.

About twenty years ago I did hatha yoga and breathing exercises every day for about 9-10 months until I suddenly had a panic attack in Savasana (corpse pose). That was it for me, I never went back to regular yoga again, though I do it sometimes.

I recently googled trauma yoga and discovered the difference between it and 'normal' yoga lies greatly within how it's taught. Certain poses are avoided - poses that might make us feel very vulnerable. People aren't 'pushed' to go that bit further. Maybe reading up on trauma yoga would help you deal differently with yourself during yoga? But maybe you quite simply need a different type of exercise, like QiGong or going for a walk in the woods. Or... Or...

[johnram]

I recently googled trauma yoga and discovered the difference between it and 'normal' yoga lies greatly within how it's taught. Certain poses are avoided - poses that might make us feel very vulnerable. People aren't 'pushed' to go that bit further. Maybe reading up on trauma yoga would help you deal differently with yourself during yoga? But maybe you quite simply need a different type of exercise, like QiGong or going for a walk in the woods. Or... Or...

thank you for this, i have been trying to work out the difference and even spoke to a trauma yoga teacher who confused it further, think she was more keen on selling one to one sessions. 

[rlg6859]

I began to do yoga frequently months ago to simply do something physical. I had practiced when I was a teen shortly after many years of various traumas. Because I've lost large segments of memories from my childhood and teen years, I don't remember actually doing it, but I know I did it often and that I thought it helped me. Perhaps that is why I was drawn to it. I use YouTube to do it and randomly got exposed to yin yoga. Because of the main part of the body that is worked in yin yoga is the hips (where it is believed a lot of emotion can be stored physically), I began to notice feelings being brought up that I repressed. It helped me connect back to my body and allowed me to take back what a sexual trauma took from me. Through this process I found more yin practices and even some that focus on emotional release and shadow work. Those can be kind of intense. A therapist told me she has heard stories of people crying through the poses, and that is part of the healing from it. I have cried through it but it's fine for me. It may not be the best option for others. I literally crave it now along with other types of yoga. It can be difficult emotionally and physically but it's taught me to be present and grounded in my body as well as accepting of what I can and cannot do. It taught me more patience and pride when I can do the poses I couldn't do a couple months ago. It's worth it if you feel you are in the right spot to do it.