Feel like a fraud

[Wattlebird]

Hi all
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now I have been diagnosed with cptsd, my overwhelming problem is I feel like a complete fraud, I constantly have to check my memory for the truth and reassure myself I'm not lying. I feel as though no one will believe me 
I don't even believe me
I'm starting to question my sanity
Is this a commen thing or is it my sanity sliding ??  Or a defence mechanism ? Maybe taught behaviour ?
Thanks all

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, this is totally normal, please don't think you're going mad because you're not. I've recently been having emdr and after every session I said to my therapist I don't think that happened I think I made it up, I started to worry that I'd completely lost the plot. She reassured me that sometimes our trauma is too difficult to accept and process especially if you're a young child because our young brains can't handle it so it almost to,protect ourselves goes into a state of disassociation where we 'pretend' it didn't happen because basically we can't cope with it. It's a protection method and perfectly normal.
I'm nearly 50 and had 17nyears of abuse, it was only 5 years ago through flashbacks that I suddenly realised that certain things had happened to me and I've now I guess because my brain feels ready been able to process and try and deal with them. But you're def is not going crazy so please don't believe that you are.

[Kizzie]

Hi Wattlebird and a warm welcome to OOTS 

It is common to both minimize our traumatic memories and dissociate or distance ourselves from them as it is less painful and easier to live with them that way.  So you're not crazy or lying, it's just a way of protecting yourself to some degree as Eyessoblue suggested