Feel like a fraud

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Wattlebird

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Feel like a fraud
« on: July 10, 2018, 02:12:53 PM »
Hi all
I've been seeing a therapist for a few months now I have been diagnosed with cptsd, my overwhelming problem is I feel like a complete fraud, I constantly have to check my memory for the truth and reassure myself I'm not lying. I feel as though no one will believe me 
I don't even believe me
I'm starting to question my sanity
Is this a commen thing or is it my sanity sliding ??  Or a defence mechanism ? Maybe taught behaviour ?
Thanks all

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Eyessoblue

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Re: Feel like a fraud
« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2018, 03:02:35 PM »
Hi, this is totally normal, please donít think youíre going mad because youíre not. Iíve recently been having emdr and after every session I said to my therapist I donít think that happened I think I made it up, I started to worry that Iíd completely lost the plot. She reassured me that sometimes our trauma is too difficult to accept and process especially if youíre a young child because our young brains canít handle it so it almost to,protect ourselves goes into a state of disassociation where we Ďpretendí it didnít happen because basically we canít cope with it. Itís a protection method and perfectly normal.
Iím nearly 50 and had 17nyears of abuse, it was only 5 years ago through flashbacks that I suddenly realised that certain things had happened to me and Iíve now I guess because my brain feels ready been able to process and try and deal with them. But youíre def is not going crazy so please donít believe that you are.

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Kizzie

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Re: Feel like a fraud
« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2018, 06:19:46 PM »
Hi Wattlebird and a warm welcome to OOTS  :heythere:

It is common to both minimize our traumatic memories and dissociate or distance ourselves from them as it is less painful and easier to live with them that way.  So you're not crazy or lying, it's just a way of protecting yourself to some degree as Eyessoblue suggested   :yes: