Wattlebirds journal

[Deep Blue]

Aw wattlebird,
I can't imagine how tough that must have been.  Not only for you but for your daughters too.

I'm glad you wrote it out and really hope that it helped.  San those tears are toxic and it's good to let them flow during these times.

Hug for strength 

[Hope67]

Hi Wattlebird,
I am so sorry to hear your news regarding your ex, and wishing you strength   
Hope    (my smile is purely to express 'hope' that things will turn around for you - and most of all - standing with you at this time  )

[Wattlebird]

Thank u for your support it's helpful to know you guys are here for me.
Well the last few days have been crapola (as San would say) I think I've finally lost the plot, been acting out something fierce, ended up in hospital with the mental health team, they have drugged me up and sent me to a friends, and confiscated my firearms    so that's where I'm at.

[Hope67]

Hi Wattlebird - I know you're going through such a lot at the moment, and I hope that you feel ok at your friend's place -   
Hope 

[SharpAndBlunt]

Dear Wattlebjrd, just want to send some good wishes your way 

SaB

[Wattlebird]

Thank you everyone
I've just realised the truth of something that making me feel a bit better and wanted to note it.
I am utterly traumatised, I'm not crazy !
I am traumatised, they told me this at the hospital but it only just hit me, when I realised this fully, I gave myself some forgiveness for my extreme behaviour over the last few days.

[Three Roses]

 

[Not Alone]

  Hope your friend is able to give you good support. Yes, traumatized, not crazy. 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks notalone and 3r
I came home today from my friends and I've got a card from the police on my front door, I've organised to see my t this afternoon, I hope I'm not going to be arrested. Don't think so, but its a bit unnerving to arrive home to.

[Libby183]

Dear Wattlebird, I have been finding it hard to post here since my own divorce trauma started, but I really wanted to say how much I feel for you and understand how traumatic this whole process is. Like you, I was so floored by the whole thing that I spent a bit over two weeks in a mental health unit. I had to go back to the family home afterwards, and my stbxH never asked how I was. In the middle of all the trauma, I broke my arm, and neither my husband nor sons would take me to the hospital, or help me. My sons ceased any relationship with me as soon as he announced the divorce, and my relationship with my daughter is very strained.

I don't want to go on about my problems but I wanted to tell you how much I relate, and feel for you. I guess that the next trauma to be dealt with, will be him finding someone else. It was him who wanted a divorce so I think that is inevitable.

I am so sorry to hear what a terrible time you are having. I can't really offer many positive words. It is such a horrid situation, but I wanted to give you my love and support.

Take care.

Libby.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks Libby it does help, I'm so sorry about your children, and your pain, I can't imagine what I would do if my children didn't want to talk to me, it's the only thing keeping me going, these last three days have been horrendous, I did at least go to the police and sorted things out, it was a miscommunication from the mental health team, the police thought my ex lived here and we both had guns - but it was quickly sorted. Thankfully because in truth I could have been arrested or given a restraining order, I have been quite out of control, today though I think I'm through the worst of it. I'm restraining my behaviour much better, my t helped a lot.
I just need some sleep, please!!!! I may have to go get some sleep meds tomorrow, but I hope not, I don't want to leave the house.

[Three Roses]

 

WB, have you tried melatonin for helping you sleep? It's a natural substance and a lot of grocery stores carry it in their vitamin or health supplement sections. Some people don't like it as they say it gives them vivid dreams but this hasn't been a big problem for me - I have worse dreams when I'm not taking anything to help me sleep. You might even be able to mail order it so you don't have to go out. Supportive  to you (and Libby).

[Wattlebird]

Thanks 3r i will look into it - I'm still awake but feeling way calmer, I'm still struggling with very destructive thinking, but I am controlling my behaviour which feels like a massive effort constantly, every time I relax to sleep my thoughts go hay wire suggesting all types of bad ideas.

[Three Roses]

 

Maybe a brisk walk, or a kickboxing class, or some at-home vigorous exercise would help you expel all that energy? Just a thought -

[Wattlebird]

I had the same thought, I just went for a 2hr walk.