Wattlebirds journal

[Wattlebird]

I am very grateful for your kind words, I'm feeling pretty good tonight so I thought I'd give and update to my journal.
This trauma I'm going through has triggered me quite severely, my previous "quiet borderline" has been triggered into full blown outward borderline, so instead of numb, Im over engulfed with so much pain, so I guess I'm no longer dissociating my feeling.
Sometimes it feels like I'm burning alive and I'm expected to think clearly, be thoughtful in my actions and considerate of others feelings, needless to say this takes some practice, I haven't been doing so well either.
Yesterday I believed the men in white coats were going to arrive at any minute. My ex has gone nc on me and I don't blame him either, I'm suprised I don't have a restraining order, I've completely cracked from this quiet people pleaser I used to be, it's so scary and hard for me to get my head around my kids have saved me they have been so good, so supportive what a true blessing they are.
I hate who I've become.

[Wattlebird]

The trauma in my teens when my parents left me with my psychotic sister they went to a specific country for their holiday, now ex is leaving tomorrow with his new partner to this same country for a holiday, and told me I had to mind the dogs, (I didn't)
this has been so triggering I'm haveing some terrible flashbacks, not to mention the pain of his betrayal, 
today has been better so I'm hopeful that I'm coming through it.

[Three Roses]

I'm here with you, sitting quietly. I'll be here as long as you want. Let's go sit on The Healing Porch and listen to the ocean while we have some tea. 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks 3r
I'll be down the porch with u sounds perfect.
I've gone inpatient for a while get my head straight
I may not be around for a little while .
Wattlebird

[Jdog]

Wattlebird-

Sending you peace and absolutely no expectations.  Be safe, friend.

[Hope67]

Hi Wattlebird,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm sending you a gentle hug, if that's ok. 
Hope 

[Hope67]

Hi again Wattlebird,
I hope you don't mind my popping in here again, I was thinking of you - hope you're ok.
Hope 

[Wattlebird]

Hi hope
Hi everyone
Im home ! Yay! I got home last night from being inpatient for 3 weeks, I'm feeling good, inpatient was a posative experience for me, but I'm glad to be home sleeping in my own bed, I have been given community help as well and have a bunch of follow up appointments, my daughter is coming to stay for a little while, so that will be nice. I'll talk more later, but wanted to update my friends here. Thank you for the support you have sent my way.

Wattlebird

[Not Alone]

Welcome home. 

[Libby183]

So pleased that you are back home, having found your in patient stay to be a positive experience.

Libby.

[Blueberry]

That's great that you had a useful inpatient stay and you are feeling positive. Also that you are continuing to get support.   

[Three Roses]

Yay! Welcome home! 

[Deep Blue]

Welcome home sweetie

[Hope67]

Hi Wattlebird,
I am glad you are home safely and that it was a positive time - 
Hope 

[Jdog]

Welcome home, Wattlebird!  How nice for you to have support and caring in your recovery.  A true blessing.