Wattlebirds journal

Started by Wattlebird, July 13, 2018, 03:28:48 AM

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sanmagic7

sending love and hugs filled with compassion, support, and caring.  hang tough, sweetie, ok?  hangin' right beside you.

Wattlebird

Thanks San I'm hanging tough, The thoughts are more annoying than tempting - just my brain trying to escape reality I guess, you take care too

Wattlebird

Wow I'm very tired, this memory I'm talking to the t about tomorrow is wreaking havoc with my head, I keep trying to rehearse what I'm going to say in my head but don't get very far. I often feel like I want to vomit and get all this poison out of me, I don't, I just want it out and gone. I hope I don't back down, I'm going to at least ask her how to deal with it even if I can't talk about it just yet. Yes I'm going to stay strong about that, don't pressure myself, and see what happens.

sanmagic7

sending lots of support for this undertaking, wb.  all my best to you that you can get some pos. results.   love and hugs.

Wattlebird

Well that was horrific. I did it, now I need a good long sleep and some self care, good night

Wattlebird

I had a sleep, I'm not sure how to express myself all these emotions running around me. They are always so detached and now I feel like I'm swimming in them no drowning.
I guess that is a good thing but I don't feel very grateful. I definitely don't feel as anxious but there is a lot of pain, a lot of grief and a lot of anger also a feeling of bewilderment. I'm trying to sit with them for a bit before reaching for an escape.

Andyman73

Hi WB,

Hope you are feeling better from the other day. I really should try that CBD oils too...I knnow it would do me wonders.

Birdie in the house huh? That's always a bit of fun, eh?

Wattlebird

Yes andyman the CBD oil is great reduces my anxiety significantly and helps me sleep better
I feel a lot better today 👍

Wattlebird

A better day all round today, still raw emotions but not in a turmoil anymore, I'm a bit scared these emotions won't go away , I've had enough already, operating with very few emotions has its benefits, but of course that's why I'm doin this therapy lol what a mess

Wattlebird

I'm really starting to freak out a bit too much emotion needing to escape bad

Wattlebird

I am feeling much better, connected with a friend and got a massage off hubby, it's so difficult for me to tell people I am not coping but I am glad I did today.

sanmagic7

oooooh, a massage.  dang, i'm looking forward to the day when i can afford to get one.  so very happy for you.

sounds like you made it thru that emotional upheaval all right.  well done.  here's to moving forward.  love and hugs.

Wattlebird

#57
All I want to do is escape, I'm sitting in my car outside the place where I can renew my old addiction it's almost been 9 mths since I was here last, well actually I was sitting here yesterday but didn't go in, it's a long drive from home so a bit out of the way, no yes no
There is a whole load of swearing going on in my head

Wattlebird

Well that went badly  :fallingbricks:
Didn't quite resist so Back to day 1
I need better coping skills, I need to be brave enough to ask for help,
This sux but I'm back on the wagon and I'm going to keep fighting. I spoke to a friend and worked out an accountability plan for the rest of the week till my next appointment with the t.
So maybe I should have done that earlier, you live, you learn.

sanmagic7

wb, i'm in recovery for 16 yrs., have also been an addictions counselor, so if you ever need to spew, ask for help, ask a question, please pm me.  i know what it's like to go thru what you have gone thru.  i want to give you all the support i can, if you'll allow it.

hang tough - i have no doubt you'll get to where you want to go.  we're all here for you.    :grouphug: