Wattlebirds journal

[Sceal]

Sending you some strength from afar. 

[Three Roses]

Wow, congratulations to you on initiating some change in this long-term relationship! I was married for 27 years before I took a firm stand regarding some of the issues in my own marriage. I think I would have been ahead of the game had I done it 7 years sooner. It's really hard to do that with someone you've been with for so long. But, we grow and change and so do they, and so if we want to stay with them things need to be renegotiated from time to time, right?

I'm glad you are taking a stand and I hope you can see it through to a conclusion that's healthy for you. 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks so much three roses and sceal
I have very mixed up feelings regarding this whole situation, but one thing I feel, thats new, is self respect !
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[Wattlebird]

Therapy today, it was ok I feel as though I'm starting to get somewhere at the moment, I am trying to be aware that there are ups and downs all the time, maybe I'm scared to be too hopeful, but things seem to be clear in my head at the moment. I wonder if that makes sense?

[Wattlebird]

I have been worrying about DID, I am struggling with the possibility that this fits, i am also struggling with the idea I'm just getting carried away or paranoid- I fear my therapist suspects this too, but I am too gutless to ask, I really don't want to know !

[fullofsoundandfury]

It's OK if you have DID. It will be OK.

DID is an amazing survival mechanism. It's only really a problem if you have parts who are self destructive due to pain, or who argue with each other about what is best for you as a whole and who want radically different things. If you have parts who do different roles to keep you functional and safe, good. Not a bad thing.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks fullofsoundandfury, im thankful for your reassurance,

[Wattlebird]

I'm on this roller coaster lately, I'm really contemplating ending my marriage, I don't see any hope in things improving, when do you say enough is enough???  I am sick with grief at the dawning realisation that he will not change.

[Deep Blue]

Hey wattlebird,
I agree with fullofsoundandfury too.  It's a survival technique and it isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

I'm so sorry about your grief over your marriage.  I have questioned mine before and know it really makes me swallow my heart to think about.  Sending you some gentle  if it's ok while you sort through this stuff

[Wattlebird]

Wow must be time to spill my guts

[Deep Blue]

Wattlebird,
It's good to get it out of you.  Carrying it around can be quite damaging in the long term. Keep spilling as much as you need to.  It sounds to me that you are in a similar boat to many of us.

We grew up and assumed things in our household were normal.  They were our normal so we just kept on keeping on. 

Much love as you sort through it 

[Sceal]

That's awful, Wattlebirds! I'm so sorry that you had to grow up in such conditions.

[Wattlebird]

What a crappy couple of days I've had

[Deep Blue]

Sorry to hear you have had a couple bad days.     we are here if you need anything.

[Wattlebird]

Yes thanks deep blue, I meant to continue but was side tracked, maybe I distracted myself dunno, anyways I realised in the last couple of days some very hard truths that I'd be living in denial about and sunk pretty low, though I'm definitely on the upswing now.