Wattlebirds journal

[sanmagic7]

personally, i think it's a great place to start.  i have no doubt it'll get easier for you the more you continue to learn and realize.  i love the idea that you're looking toward your family being able to relate in a healthier, happier manner to each other.

keep up the good work, sweetie.  love and hugs.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks San
It's quite strange to change your families culture of interaction after 20+ years but everyone seems to be on board, actually my 2 eldest children (adults) seem to be quite ahead of us parents in their relational styles, I do hope we can do this, I can't see why not, I just have so much doubt that I can change, but I'll still work on it, for them.

[Sceal]

I remember while doing dbt therapy that I wished that "normal" people would also go through that manual, because I think it can be helpful to everyone, not just people who struggle with interpersonal relationships.
Great that you're involving your family with this, and that they are open to join alongside you. I can only imagine how had it must be after 20+ years as you say to change the family dynamic. But I hope it'll be a good change for you guys!

[Wattlebird]

I agree sceal, my husband keeps saying the same thing "everyone should do this " maybe teach kids at school? Not altogether sure what would work but I'm glad that my kids can learn it now as young adults instead of our age or never at all.

[Hope67]

I just want to be happy with life instead of contantly struggling with things that are easy for most people like shopping or whatever. I wonder if that is a realistic goal?  I guess I've come a long way in this last year, so it's certainly a possibility, I'm scared to hope for this but entertaining the idea is new for me so we will start there

Hi Wattlebird,
What you wrote here - I am glad to see you feel the possibility - and that your family are on board with you too - reading the Dissociation book has certainly given me optimism - as the people who wrote it seem to really understand.  I am so glad that there are so many books out there - and that we can access them and gain from reading them.
to you, Wattlebird.
Hope 

[Sceal]

I agree sceal, my husband keeps saying the same thing "everyone should do this " maybe teach kids at school? Not altogether sure what would work but I'm glad that my kids can learn it now as young adults instead of our age or never at all.

That's a good idea. I know some schools here are teaching kids in primary school that we all react differently to different situations, and that is all okay. It's okay to have different reactions to the hardship ones fails. It's okay if one gets sad and cries, or if another gets angry and frustrated.  I think that's a step in the right direction. I also know that higher up they have psychology as a subject they have to take now. It's progress! I hope it continues to grow in that direction.

[Wattlebird]

Wow sceal , they have to take psychology, that's great, it was never a subject available to my kids at school but they were in a small school maybe the bigger ones have it as an elective?
Who knows 
Journal
I was fairly industrious today, I got a lot done, and had a lot of self care about it as well, I allowed myself time for meditation, relaxation, proper meals and exercise, this is very unlike most days, and I didn't even plan it, I just listened to my needs, I now find myself being triggered by my hope that I can behave like this more consistently, Its sad that I have no faith in myself. I've done well today and I will try hard tomorrow as well that's all I can do. On another note I got t tomorrow, I'm feeling anxious about it,

[Deep Blue]

Just popping in here.  I teach introduction to psychology and AP psychology as electives in high school.

The counselors do psychology classes in our elementary and middle schools but they are usually small group pull outs and not for all students

[sanmagic7]

hey, wb - you mentioned that you weren't sure if you could change, but a lot of the rest of what you wrote did show actual change.  well done!  even if it was self-care, i believe that it will impact on your relationships with your family members as well.  every step counts.

my d and i have worked on our own relationship over the years, including during this time while we're living together.   what's been helpful has been talking about it, having those realizations, and understanding how they came from the past.  with all that, we remind each other that this relationship is not the same as what we've experienced with others, and we have been able to make changes and adjustments. 

i have no doubt with you and your family working together, the healthy changes will come along.  i have faith in you.  sending love and a hug filled with progress, even if in small steps.

[Boy22]

I've done well today and I will try hard tomorrow as well that's all I can do.

My T has to repeatedly remind me that I have been trying very hard for a very long time and maybe I should give myself a break as part of my self cares. Just managing whatever it is that I can do on any particular day with expecting every day to be full and perfect.

[Wattlebird]

Thank you everyone,
Deep blue that's great, you would be a great psychology teacher too,
Thanks for your encouraging words San, I have changed a lot, I was doubting my ability to stay changed, but Boy is right, sometimes I need to stop trying so hard and relax a bit, thanks Boy

[Wattlebird]

Today's journal
I hardly slept last night at all maybe I got 3-4 hrs, which isn't as bad as it felt at the time, felt like 1/2 hr.
I had my t today, it was all together overwhelming, I was dissociating quite a lot, but I did address a few subjects that have been keeping me awake at night, i have been reading a dissociation book about how some of us have (dissociated) parts within us. Well some of my parts were not happy with me telling her about them and what they do, so there were several wrestling matches in my head.
Anyway this was so draining I went home and slept for 4 hrs .
I feel like I've taken a big step somehow but I'm struggling to think about it clearly atm so I'm writing it out to maybe better understand, or just to get this written down so I feel free to forget about it for a while then I can come back to it later.

[sanmagic7]

take your time, sweetie.  i hope you can be patient with yourself.  this stuff is so easily overwhelming, and consequently exhausting.  we're here for you - i'm glad you were able to write about some of it.  that sort of thing helps me, too.  love and hugs.

[Wattlebird]

Not feeling too stable these last few days started on the ciggies again, hubbys been away and my few friends I can count on for support are both away holidaying, hubby just rang said he was home early so I'm going to visit soon.
( we live separately )
I can't seem to hold my * together when left alone for too long, it's hard work seeing how messed up I am, I've lived in total denial for so long I can't even recognise what these feelings are, just so annoyed with myself.

[Sceal]

I understand the feeling of annoyance and frustration all too well. I hope you'll soon start to feel better, and I hope you had a nice time with your husband.
Sending you some warm thoughts!