Wattlebirds journal

[Jdog]

 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks. For my lovely hugs
I am feeling a load better today
I had a good talk with my d2 today, though I'm very tired now and I'm off to bed, just wanted to touch base
wb

[Wattlebird]

I'm starting to read about dissociation and treatments, trying to get my mind to settle into a recovery mode - I really want to move forward but I have parts of myself that fight this a lot, I definitly need to be more attentive to my parts.
Hopefully writing here will remind me each day
Wb

[Wattlebird]

I've been cleaning up the house for the sales photos, im so sick of it.
I am back into a bad sleeping pattern, seems like everywhere I turn there's another problem to deal with, it's hard for me to cope with. both my daughters are having a really hard time, and I know I've caused them much heartache with my bouts in the psych ward, I just need a stretch of peace and calm.  I'm sure that's why I sleep too much, it's just the safest way to deal with the emotional overload at the moment
Wb

[Wattlebird]

Therapy in the morning, making me a bit anxious as it was hard last week, my therapist is pushing me to let out this emotion but I keep in holding back, she is pretty understanding about it all though I don't feel pressured.
On a good note I've finished cleaning the house, thank goodness, been house shopping online and it's hard to nail down exactly what I want or where - i just know I want to get out of this town where everyone knows my business and years events, the real estate agent selling my place even knew all the details, which he talked all about, I think he was trying to be sympathetic telling me he knew everything - I was just horrified at how much he actually knew, since he has no real connection to me besides being my agent, it will be so nice to actually move.

[SharpAndBlunt]

Wattlebird just want to send some support, it sounds like you are doing really well with getting the house ready. I'm sorry the estate agent got his nose right up in your business.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks s&b, I appreciate that.

Had therapy today it was hard again - I cried much more than I ever had before, usually a couple of tears get thru my defences, but I let go today in a much more defenceless way , if that makes sense. I'm so tired now I'm going to bed 5 hrs early, it was very draining.
So good night
Wb

[Snowdrop]

Good night, Wb. I hope you sleep well and wake up feeling rested.

[Not Alone]

It sounds like a big step to allow yourself to cry at such a level. It also sounds exhausting, so I'm glad you took care of yourself by going to be early.

[Wattlebird]

Thanks snowdrop and notalone, I slept wonderfully for 12 hrs, it must have helped though, today I'm feeling much better and got some chores done that I've been avoiding due to the anxiety they would usually produce ( having to interact with people) and I wasn't anxious at all.
Had a check up with the mental health team and they were happy with my progress except my eating patterns, so altogether I'm feeling quite posative, my therapist gave me some work to do on trying to recognise anger, it will take a fair bit of work I suspect.
So nice to feel good for a change 

[Snowdrop]

That's great to hear. 

[Hope67]

Hi Wattlebird,
Glad to hear that you slept wonderfully for 12 hours,    Also that you got some chores done and you're feeling much better. 
Sending you a hug, if that's ok. 
Hope 

[Wattlebird]

Thanks hope and snowdrop,
I've decided to go camping for 3 or 4 days each week, until the house is sold. Get out of this town for as much as possible, so I've prepped my vehicle and packed and when I wake up I'm heading off, I may visit my mum but only if I feel up to it.  Should b good
Wb

[Wattlebird]

Here I am camping by the beach, I just had a midnight swim under the stars, now I'm going to meditate and then sleep, a lovely way to exist.
Wb

[Snowdrop]

That sounds perfect, wb. I found myself unwind just by reading your words.