Can't cry

[safetyinnumbers]

Why can't I cry when I am sad, depressed, grieving, feeling internal emotional pain?

[finallyfree]

Hi Safetyinnumbers,
That's a very good question and something I have been thinking about and wondering myself lately. For me I can only speculate it stems from me having to be so strong as a small child just to survive in the vipers den I was raised in. I can remember being very small and telling myself not to cry because it was what my abusive family wanted. I think this has sadly lasted my whole life and it takes a great deal for me to actually cry. I think in many ways I would feel better if I did and at the same time I am afraid if I start I will never stop crying. So much suppressed emotional pain. I hope someone here can lend some good advice regarding this subject. Safetyinnumbers I am right there with you and hope you feel better soon.
Warmest regards,
Finallyfree

[Eyessoblue]

Hi, about a year ago I asked the same question on here. It will come but you have to release that inner child, you need to be able to sit and 'feel'. I didn't start crying until I had emdr then I was emotional every week because it was real, it was there and my body basically told me to deal with it and I did - because I let myself.
I always pushed the feelings away and got busy to pre occupy my mind, but once I 'faced' it head on I could suddenly feel the emotion and I did let it all out, and still am. I have intense emotional flashbacks and as long as I feel 'safe' enough to cry I let myself do it. I journal a lot and let it all out on paper too, sometimes I read it back and this can also make me cry too.
You do feel much better inside once you let go, but it does take practice to get yourself there.

[ah]

Hi Safetyinnumbers,

I can't cry either. I never could.

I think maybe there are two types of crying: one that's related to pain and the other that happens when you're touched or inspired by something. I've never been able to cry in pain but I can easily cry if I read about something kind or altruistic or, or brave. Or about someone's pain, or if something moves me aesthetically.
This second type of crying has always reminded me my heart is still there but I can't cry in pain. Probably because I grew up in a very sick sadistic household so I don't show emotional vulnerability.

I know crying clears out toxins from your body and relaxes you, but it's all theoretical and alien to me. I never felt safe enough to cry.
I used to think about learning to cry back when I was told it was necessary, but I stopped. I won't learn to cry anymore.
I'm sure with good empathic therapy it's more than possible to learn it, I don't know if it's a must in order to recover and feel better and better but I'm sure it's possible.

You're not alone.

[Deep Blue]

Wow,
Thanks so much for this thread.  I can't cry either.  The only exception was immediately after my pregnancy.

I have cried 1 time in 3 years.  It's not that I hold tears back either.  They just don't come.

[Blueberry]

I have phases where I can and phases where I can't. The phases are often very long.

I cried more often when I was in non-trauma-informed therapy. Since being in trauma-informed T, if I end up crying it's often because I'm flooded with pain, like during a retraumatisation. It doesn't feel good.

Occasionally I cry a few tears briefly and that can feel like a relief. They just come like that occasionally, I don't seem to be able to instigate it.

[mikeydjay]

I'm the same, not really cried in 26 years since my mother (my abuser) died, but recently having come off all my meds I've started to feel teary and a couple of times when reading an article where people have been kind to others I've cried, not much but at least cried and have felt that sense of calm afterwards.
Is good to know that with time and "strength" I may be able to feel and cry again.