CPTSD and Misophonia

[Foxbrown]

Hi All.

I'm new to this site and slowly finding my way around, so please let me know if I'm posting in the wrong place.

I was wondering if any other CPTSD sufferers also suffer with a condition called Misophonia ( hatred of sound ) I saw a link to the two conditions somewhere and thought I would see if anyone else is affected. Misophonia has to be my worst symptom, hearing a trigger noise can send me into a complete wreck for days on end 😞 hoping getting this CPTSD under control will see my symptoms lessen a little?

[Kizzie]

Hi Foxbrown, no worries this is a big board and it takes a while to find your way around.   

I don't suffer from this but I wondered if you have been able to connect it to what caused you to develop CPTSD? 

[Deep Blue]

I'm not sure but there are certain sounds that trigger flashbacks for me, or send me into a panic attack. 

[AncientSoul]

Hi Foxbrown:

Welcome here to the Forum.

I don't know if it is all sounds that affect you, or certain sounds. But as for myself, I can relate.

The sound of a telephone ringing still, at times, freezes me and will send my heart racing. Also the sound of a door opening gets me on edge. Those reactions in me are from Narcissist abuse and what happened when those sounds occurred. I have pretty much managed that and understand the "whys" of my reactions. Still, at times when tired, and they happen unexpected, I will jump.

You just taught me something new with your post, and intend to research this. For me, time was most of the answer, and also getting away from the abuser. But my own path is complicated.

I sincerely wish you well and a healing experience by being here.

AncientSoul

[Otillie]

I have both C-PTSD and misophonia. I don't know if or how the two are related, and I'm not sure anyone has a full picture of just what miso is yet. The two conditions do seem to be all jumbled together in my brain. I know that I was triggered fiercely by noises from my father (who sexually abused me), while the same noises from other people don't have the same effect. Dad was an alcoholic, and all his noises (snoring, loud breathing, chewing loudly, harrumphing, etc., etc.) all got louder and ickier when he was drinking. Hearing him breathing when he was sober didn't trigger me; hearing him breathing drunk did. So it does feel like there's a connection between the C-PTSD and the misophonia in Dad's specific case. As if the wiring in my brain between "Dad sounds" and "extreme danger, Release All The Adrenaline" is linked.

Most of my miso, though, centers on neighbor noises — hearing other people's thumping music, barking dogs, chain saws, recreational vehicles, and the like. All of those can send me into a spiral of hopelessness. In me, the misophonia rage turns immediately inward to weeping and despair (it certainly wasn't safe as a kid to direct any of my anger outward). It just feels like life is impossible as long as other people's noise is invading my brain; like I am at their mercy. It makes me feel, actually, like my (emotionally abusive) mom did as a kid. Making me feel small made Mom feel big, and that's how neighbor noises make me feel now: The people around me want to yank me out of my peace and solitude, and off-load their frustration and rage onto me, so they'll feel better. And there is nothing I can do about it.

From what I've read about miso, it seems to exist independently of trauma — you can have miso with no trauma at all. I know researchers have identified a gene where "greater likelihood of having miso" is passed on. My own idea is that this tendency to have miso can sometimes be "turned on" by trauma. In my case, once my tendency did get turned on, my C-PTSD triggers got all mixed in together with my misophonia triggers so that it can feel like just a ball of hopelessness. Hearing my neighbor's chain saw awakens the same emotions I used to feel when I was being abused as a kid.

I deal with my miso by living alone in the woods, and surrounding myself with white noise 24/7. It means I can go days sometimes without a noise trigger, which is glorious. But honestly, I still have triggers, and when a noise does make it through all my barriers — I still get just as hopeless. I've learned how to avoid noise better, but nothing else about my miso has improved, really.

I am so sorry, Foxbrown, that you know both trauma and miso, because they are brutal and cruel.

[ah]

I Foxbrown,

I agree with everything Otillie said so accurately.
I have cptsd and misophonia too. I've always assumed they're related. Growing up into abuse I developed very sensitive hearing in order to try to survive, I guess I needed to try to anticipate danger and be chronically hypervigilant.
Sometimes the most insignificant little sound can leave me feeling terrified or angry.
It can be very painful. Neighbor noises are hard for me too, they do ordinary things without giving them a second's thought but to me their movements sound like violence, I jump and get very scared over and over again. Repetitive noises can be tiringly hard too. And the worst are abusers's sounds.

You're not alone.

[Foxbrown]

Thank you all for your replies. Although I hate that offers suffer from the * that is Misophonia, it does make me feel less alone in this struggle.
My trigger noises are mostly centred around my main abuser, my narcissistic mother. Even her drinking a cup of tea in front of me unleashes a fury like no other.
Eating and cutlery noises affect me the worst. I think from being raised in an angry household with lots of loud noises, slamming of doors, chucking cutlery into the drawer in anger has left me on edge whenever I hear similar noises. It's truly debilitating. Oh to know life without this pain.
Otillie living in the woods alone sounds amazing. I love quiet time by myself.