Nobody takes care of me

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Deep Blue

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Nobody takes care of me
« on: July 22, 2018, 07:19:57 PM »
Itís been awhile since I posted anything here but my life has gotten crazy lately.  I just came out of a spell depersonalizing that last about 5 days. Thatís the longest that has ever happened.  :stars:

So what caused it? Thatís what Iím trying to sort out... my dear forum friend pointed out to me that a series of events transpired and finally I had just snapped. 
1.  my husband lost his job,
2.  I was supposed to go on a short vacation with friends and my husband but my friend cancelled while I was in the airport
3.  upon returning home my husband got sick
4. My son got sick after him
5. My step grandfather had been complaining for a month he doesnít feel well... got him checked and itís acute leukemia.  He only has maybe 1 month left
6. Iíve watched my M fall apart over all this

I started napping every day last week beginning Monday.  By Wednesday I told my husband... ďIím not in a good place, all I want to do is sleepĒ.  My husband responded that he had just purchased a snow blower  :blink:

Iím doing a bit better because I am out of that fog of depersonalization as of today.  I am also laying in bed napping again too.

Often my T will check up on me when I go sideways. I havenít heard a peep from her.  Nobody takes care of me.  I unravel and nobody helps me.  Itís like Iím drowning and people just watch.  I have a crushing hole in my chest and feel so alone.

Sorry this post was longer than I intended  :Idunno:


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Blueberry

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #1 on: July 22, 2018, 10:25:23 PM »
 :hug: :hug:

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I like vanilla

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #2 on: July 23, 2018, 12:41:55 AM »
 :hug:

That totally sucks that you have so many people needing and demanding care and no one to give some back. Good for you to start taking naps; that is self-care and boundaries all in one (carving out some space for yourself to rest).

 :hug:

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sanmagic7

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #3 on: July 23, 2018, 01:46:55 PM »
o sweet deep blue, would that i could be with you, put an arm around your shoulder so you could lean on me for how long you needed, bring you food and drink and just let you rest while the world spins around you.  all i can do is let you know that you are cared about in a profound way. 

all that stuff happening in such a short time can definitely be overwhelming.  no wonder you're exhausted and didn't feel like yourself.  sending you a bouquet of daisies, which are in bloom here right now, and which i always think of as cheerful flowers.  i hope they can brighten up your day even a little bit. 

i hope you can take care of yourself as best you can.  lots of love and a hug filled with caring, warmth, and protection coming to you.

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Sceal

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #4 on: July 23, 2018, 03:23:22 PM »
That is a lot of things happening at once! It's no wonder that you dissociated and are sleeping more than you usually am. I hope the extra sleep will help you process through all of these things, it's alot of stress and worries. Not to talk about emotional impact. It hurts even more when you so clearly need someone to just pick up the slack while you're unable to - because right now it's just too much.
I can't do much, being (potentially) far-far away, but I'll keep you in my thoughts and I'll always be here to listen.
And I'll light a candle light for you today. And I'm sending you the biggest, softest hug towards you - if that is okay?  :hug:

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Eyessoblue

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #5 on: July 23, 2018, 03:30:20 PM »
So sorry to hear this. It always seems when we are struggling the most we get let down the most. At least you know you have friends here on this site who hear you and can empathise with you. Not a lot else I can add but you know here youíre heard and listened to.x

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Hope67

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2018, 06:50:32 PM »
Hi Deep Blue,
I am so sorry to hear you've been going through this - wishing you some light and relief from this - and I hope you know you're cared for here - you have been so empathic towards me - in the many replies you have given me, and I hope you'll accept this gentle caring hug,  :hug: 
I hope you are doing ok.  Thinking of you.
Hope  :)

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Deep Blue

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #7 on: July 23, 2018, 08:06:04 PM »
Blueberry,
Thanks for the hug. Also... thanks for keeping the secret about my husband losing his job till I was ready to share. 

I like vanilla,
I told my T that maybe I was sleeping so much as a form of self care.  She said there is self care, and then there is refusing to face my problems. She thinks I need to face some things.

San,
Thanks so much for your reply.  Your post on your journal got me through last night and now this post is helping get me through today.  Thanks for the daisies, they are lovely. More than anything, thanks for caring about me.  Irl Iím missing the caring from people.

Sceal,
I will never turn down a hug from you.  :hug: thanks for the candle. I need it in a bad way.

Eyessoblue,
Thanks for listening and offering support and validation.

Hope,
Thanks so much for your reply.  I gladly accept hugs from you too  :hug:  I appreciate your words of caring. It helps to know that you and others on this forum are thinking of me.

Much love to you all,
Deep Blue


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Sceal

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #8 on: July 23, 2018, 10:32:06 PM »
She said there is self care, and then there is refusing to face my problems. She thinks I need to face some things.

I think that in order to face some things you need to have a bit more energy than you seem to have right now. And perhaps self-care is what you require right now, until you are able to decide for yourself if these are things you want to face and how to best do so on your terms.  There is a time for everything.
 :hug:

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Blueberry

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #9 on: July 23, 2018, 10:45:04 PM »
 :yeahthat:

If you do face things, then maybe one at a time? And when you feel ready, not when your T thinks you should feel ready.

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Deep Blue

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2018, 11:22:04 PM »
Sceal,
After reading what you wrote I was ready to take a full breath for the first time in days.  There is that gift you have again.  You are so caring and insightful.  Iím so thankful for you.  :hug:

Blueberry,
Thanks, facing 1 thing at a time is more doable.  I think Sceal is right... I donít have the energy to face anything yet... maybe tomorrow.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #11 on: July 24, 2018, 12:58:40 AM »
i agree with both sceal and blueberry.  it's not like you've been sleeping for weeks already - sometimes we need a few days of the comfort and safety of our own beds to gather ourselves. 

sending earth mother spirit to envelop you in her voluminous skirts, to hold you close so you can absorb some of her strength and grounding until you are ready.  she's there for you as long as you need her, giving as much as you need until you're strong enough to stand on your own.

hang tough, sweetie.  we're with you.  i wish you could get what you need irl as well.  i hope we all help at least a little.  much love    :grouphug: :bighug:

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Deep Blue

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2018, 01:20:56 AM »
San,
Your words help more than a little.  Your kind sentiments really do mean the world to me.  You told me once that you felt like a baby bird being nursed to health.  To me, your words make me feel like a soothing balm is being rubbed on my tired shoulders.  Thanks for being you.  :hug:

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Hope67

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2018, 08:24:29 AM »
San,
a soothing balm is being rubbed on my tired shoulders.

Hi Deep Blue,
I wish you more soothing balms for your tired shoulders.  Maybe a gentle rock in a comfy hammock too - with cooling breeze and a nice refreshing drink of something you love.

Deep blue skies above - to compliment you.

 :hug: to you, Deep Blue.  I hope you're ok.
Hope  :)

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Kalmer

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Re: Nobody takes care of me
« Reply #14 on: July 24, 2018, 08:59:01 AM »
 :hug: Deep Blue

I'm so sorry to hear so many difficult things happened all at once.

How are you coping today? Have any of the events unfolded in a different way than you first thought?

Take care