Could I Have CPTSD??

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Chaosmutt

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Could I Have CPTSD??
« on: July 23, 2018, 05:51:23 AM »
  I am unsure as to if I could have such as the worst experience I have had in my almost 45 years was work related, I would like to know if it is possible I could have this?.

  I started working at a popular, well known university at 23, just before I left the military (reserve), I had throughout my time there had many friendly acquaintances, even a few close friends in my 21 years there  (or so I thought) and only 10 people within that time did I ever have a serious problem with.  About 5 years ago I lost my supervisor to a major heart attack and a newer guy within the group became our acting supervisor and during which time the group functioned with only 4 of 6 persons and we were over-worked but happy due to the acting's leadership, I personally felt He was the better of the supervisors.... 

  After a few months we all as a group voted Him to become our primary supervisor which did happen and I thought things could not get any better.  After 8 months however, He began calling me a liar about things I would answer Him with like location, which I was always where I said I was and always doing as I said I was, but He refused to believe this, then He began putting me on unfair, unreasonable disciplines to single me out which began to not only anger me but causing me to become paranoid and distrustful of Him first then the rest of the group, next I learn after nearly 2 years of this treatment the manager of the dept., the h.r. liaison supervisor, and His chosen lackey were trying to get me to quit.  With my time at this university I could not just 'quit' so I chose to stick it out and hope that it would soon end, to no avail....

  I began recording this person and His followers only to luck out and get Him saying : ...I wanted you moved since day 1...., 3 years now after day 1, plus other co-workers were being verbally punished for assisting me in situations I needed help, yet never for aiding others within this group.  I began the grievance policy with my recordings and write-ups that made absolutely no sense other than severe bullying usage to get me to quit which again, failed for me.

  I was now experiencing numbness in my body consistantly, along with light-headedness/dizzynes, consistantly having unusual pain all over, near blackouts sometimes at the most inopportune times, extreme depression and severe anxiety (learned this almost a year later), my paranoia became so bad I feared leaving the house for anything, consistently being angry, morbid, or even infuriated when near these person/s and/or heading into or preparing to leave the jobsite, and all I could think about were those persons and situations I was dealing with and what I could do to somehow get away from them, legal and sometimes even illegal thoughts that I refused to give into no matter the temptation, and even thought I was having a heart attack once, but after 6 hours in the e.r. there were no signs or reasons to believe that was the case.

  After neary 2 more  years of even worse treatment from these ignorant yet diabolical and deranged persons with only 7 years left to retire they found a suspicious way of firing me without giving me the reason, then fighting me with unemployment and losing the first time with their so-called reason, then changing from not doing my job which unemployment investigated and found there was no facts leading to such, to insubordination which could not be proved yet as big company's go, they won that time.  I fought through all the red tape and suffered through their grievance policy and reached stage three, their highest, very few get that far, but then they changed the rules at stage 3 and discounted my 1-2 form and stated I could only talk about the reason for being fired which I still did not know even to this day, and the vp of equality was requested by me to speak to 2 women who overheard a discussion/degrading chat my supervisor gave to me and their statment being: the way He spoke to you made us really uncomfortable.  After the investigation She claimed She could not look into this as it did not fall under Her job, yet after my situation with Her She quickly 'retired', again I went to h.r. and they declined to look further into this matter, and finally after 8 1/2 months of fighting these 'people', I had to admit defeat for my family and me.

  I currently am still hypersensitive of any situations that are remotely close to those 5 years I dealt with this, my family and friends suffers from my mentality and vivid recollection of the things I was dealing with along with the years of anger and hatred of being consistently set up for failure by those I aformentioned earlier and I have lost interest in almost everything I once was, wanted to be, and even could be or do, I feel I am now an indifferent, argumentative, and extremely paranoid individual that feels little happiness and fear trying to make friendships with anyone as they will always find a way to backstab me in the end, I tend to stay miserable, edgy, and even infuriated at the smallest things that never used to bother me, my focus on anything suffers greatly, very little memory capability and even less capability to learn new things and is terribly difficult to function in a job, although I am apparently surviving it for the moment but has only been almost 3 months since I started and already am becoming somewhat like I was before.

  Could this be CPTSD?