I Deserve My Pay Part 2

[Kizzie]

This thread is a continuation of BB's original thread which reached 5 pages.  Link to Part 1 = https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=6316.0.

[Blueberry]

I never thought I'd be writing on this board again. But here I am. Finally writing 3 invoices which are long overdue. Two of the invoices I did this morning in fact, but then I needed a biiiig break. Have since emailed one of those and wrote the third. I'm shaking a little bit and want to eat. What I have discovered is that there is a whole load of anxiety in me about making a mistake in the invoice or maybe writing something 'dumb' in the accompanying email. B1 pops up in my head, sigh. He was often critical and just downright nasty about things I said, thought, did... It was very rare for M or F to say anything in support of me. They listened to all the spew of hate and contempt and scorn B1 poured on me; M joined in frequently and when I was in particularly deep and dark phases, F joined in as well   But atm I'm seeing B1. OK, so screen work to be done and maybe EFT.

I did actually make a mistake in the two invoices from this morning (I feel shakey in my gut just thinking about it) but I caught the mistake. Now there's just the third invoice. I feel a strange mix of shakey inside with numb lips. Good to know though.