1st Post. Whoa.

[GJen]

Hello. I am stunned at how difficult it has been to approach this moment of posting in this forum. Each thing I read seems to saturate my whole self and I have to creep forward with weeks in between engagement. Just now, reading a line or two from some of the downloads, grief and hope welled up in a way that feels healing.

In the guidelines for health practitioners "Current best practice treatment for complex trauma is phased treatment. Phase 1 is safety and stabilisation, Phase 2 is processing, and Phase 3 is integration. Safety and stabilisation (i.e. Phase 1) underlies all therapeutic work and is the precondition for effective treatment."

This is why I'm here. I'm the one severely affected. Where can I be assessed, diagnosed and find capable informed guidance through this extremely affecting and probably temporarily debilitating process?  I could really use more pointers into the best direction. I need to find one person to work with on a plan of care/treatment. I need someone to lean on through this journey. Thank you for being here.

[Armee]

Welcome to the forum! I remember how scary but also relieving it can be to make the first post. Good job, and I'm glad you are here. For me, obtaining good therapy has been essential to healing. In the downloads section of resources Kizzie has put together a guide for finding a therapist. For me the most important factor is that they use multiple therapeutic methods not just 1 or 2 and that overall they seem flexible and willing to learn from clients.

I'm looking forward to being here as a peer for you on your journey.

[GJen]

I think maybe this is a level of being seen I haven't experienced before.

[Armee]

It can feel nice and also overwhelming. 

But this is a group of people who will understand where you are coming from without you needing to explain yourself.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum GJen

This is indeed a group of people who will understand and on whom you can lean.

If you feel saturated, then I'm thinking and feeling that you may need to take things slowly. Baby steps count here! You may want to avoid posts on here where members are processing and avoid posts with TW (trigger warning). I don't want to be prescriptive to you because obviously I can't know for sure.

Some of the pinned threads here: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0 can be good for stabilisation. I still spend a lot of time on them. This is a wonderful space too: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=13015.0

I don't know what country you're in - and you certainly don't have to say! - but here are some resources by country/continent: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=262.0

Once again, welcome to the forum! I hope to see you around - but do go at your own pace.

[Not Alone]

A warm welcome, GJen. 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a very warm welcome GJen  , awesome you took the risk and made that first post which can be so difficult as many of us know only too well.

It can be a bit of a trial finding a therapist who has training in and experience treating CPTSD because it's a relatively new diagnosis and like many fields, things seem to tick along slowly is the psych world. That said, there are more and more of them out there so keep looking.  There's lots of searchable databases and other info, forms, etc here to help in your search - https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=106.0.   Good luck!

[Papa Coco]

Welcome Gjen,

I'm glad you were able to post here. I resonate with your sense of being stunned at how difficult it's been to approach the moment of posting.

Just so you know, a lot of us here on the forum have felt the fear of posting. You'll find a bunch of us who admit that we still delete, or think we should delete, a number of our posts before or even after we've posted them. That's trauma.

I am getting better at not deleting because I'm more aware now that courage is not the absence of fear, it's the presence of fear and a decision to move forward anyway. I call on my courage from time to time to let me hit the Post button...and even more courage to not go back and delete an hour later--no matter how much anxiety I'm feeling about my post.

So far, I've never read a post from anyone that was not appropriate for this site. In most cases, we feel a deep need to share, then when we go to post our sharing, we go into a trauma-induced fear that we shouldn't share.  In my case, it's because I was raised to not respect myself. I don't have the right to expose my own problems, or worse, people on the site will see who I really am and will laugh at me, or roll their eyes in disgust, or even kick me out of the site. None of which is true: It's trauma trying to protect me from the difficult people of my past. People who did once laugh at me, roll their eyes, and kick me out of their lives. But those are the people of my past who don't even know I'm on this site. In every posting situation, I've ended up being grateful I posted because the people on this forum are kind and caring and often feel the very same trepidations I feel.

I agree with Blueberry, that baby steps are a great way to move forward. Share a little of yourself, but don't push yourself to share more than you feel comfortable with. We're not therapists, just a group of lost souls who've found each other. We're stronger together. We support and validate each other. No one here expects you to share more than you want to share, but we are always grateful to have a chance to care for each other when something important is shared.

The main rule for me is, it just feels good to find out I'm not the only person who feels the fears and shame and vulnerabilities that I feel. When others join in and say "I resonate with that..." I feel like I'm not a crazy person, but a good person with a crazy past. It helps me move forward at my own pace.

Welcome to the forum, and I hope you feel safe to take a few baby steps in. I hope you can move forward at your own comfortable pace as well. No one pushes anyone here.

[La Peregrina]

I just want you to know that I am right there feeling the trepidation about making an introductory post.  So far I am just reading all the other introductions, trying to work up the nerve.  What should I share? What is too much? Is this for real? 

After a year in therapy, during which I have SLOWY revealed some of my childhood, but mosly avoided it, I saw in my health record  the word PTSD. 
I admit I have kept my therapist at arms length, lest she too betray me,  freely admitting to her time and time again "I have trust issues." 

After seeing that diagnosis I questioned her at our next session to which she replied "I really think the root of your suffering is CPTSD."  It was a revelation.  I started reading everything I could find and it wax a lightbulb moment.  In that search I found this site.  3 weeks later I am still trying to get the courage to make my introductory post.  So I feel you.  I guess this is my prelude to an introduction.  Baby steps indeed.

[Armee]

(Hi La Peregrina...yes it's for real. We are all real people trying to heal from the scars of similar chronic abuses and traumas, getting support and giving support. Kizzie does a good job moderating and keeping it safe here. There's no right or wrong intro post, don't feel like you have to share more than you want or feel safe doing. It's just a way to say hi and to start the process of actively using this site however is most healing for you.)

[La Peregrina]

Thank you.  Baby steps for me.  I am kinda of in a fragile place right now. Lots of triggers and emotional flashbacks, and still processing this diagnosis.  Yet just knowing I am not "crazy," that there are other people who understand what a roller coaster ride it can be at times, and who are willing and able to provide support to one another, well that is a relief.  So I will post soon.   Poco a poco llegamos lejos.  Little by little we go far. 

[Kizzie]

Take your time and post your intro when you're ready La Peregrina, absolutely no rush.

GJen, I just wanted to ask how it felt getting some welcoming posts?  Did it help with the nervousness or make you want to take a bit of time and space before posting again?  (Both reactions are quite common.)