Types of flashbacks

[micra000]

Hi everyone!

This is my first post in the forum and, at the age of 38, I'm just at the start of my journey of recovering from childhood trauma. I don't yet know if I suffer from CPTSD proper as I have not had a proper assessment with a psychiatrist. Everything I have read so far fits like a glove, and looking at my own behaviour and life through this lens means things make sense for the very first time.

I'm a bit confused about the presentation of flashbacks in CPTSD. Does anyone know if you can receive this diagnosis if you only have subconscious EFs, or would a person need to have other types of flashbacks that they recognise consciously as flashbacks in order to be diagnosed? I'm never aware of having flashbacks, but I think I have identified some ways in which subconscious emotional flashbacks manifest for me.

I would be super grateful if anyone had the time to answer my question, or share some ways in which they are effected by flashbacks (other than emotional ones) so that I can get a sense of whether I should try to find myself a psychiatrist who could consider a diagnosis for me.

Thank you so much!

[marta1234]

Hi Micra, welcome to the forum  .
Tw: mention of physical a*use
For me, I can tell that I'm in an EF when I don't feel in the present anymore (although having a distinction between past and present took sometime for me to understand and practice). Usually they are intense feelings of helplessness, intense fear with no link to present situation, intense emotional pain (as if the world is ending), and most of the time when I feel an emotion or memory is "never going to end", then that also indicates an EF. I also usually have physical symptoms, and for some flashbacks I can even feel its physical consequences (such as past physical v*olence) in the present day.
I hope some of this makes sense and hoping that you find the therapist for your diagnosis

[Bella]

Hi Micra! Welcome!
I am very much in the process of fitting pieces together myself when it comes to understanding symptoms and reactions throughout my life. I've felt so confused about my thoughts, feelings and identity in general. Reading about CPTSD made my jaw drop, cause like you, it fit like a glove! I think the whole issue about flashbacks are a bit controversial. Fourtunately it seems like more and more therapists are recognizing emotional flashbacks as being a "thing" on it's own, and one don't have to have visual or other sensory type flashbacks to fit the criteria for a CPTSD diagnosis. Therapists that truly know a lot about trauma, wether being physical, psycological or emotional, defenetly recognizes EF's. When it comes to the flashbacks being subconscious, I think all flashbacks are subconscious until you learn what they are. All my reactions and feelings made absolutly no sense to me before I read about EF's. Now I know I have them, but I usually don't recognize them until after I'm out of it. So in that sense they are subconscious... Don't know if this answered your question at all. My mind is all over the place...

[Violet Magenta]

Welcome Micra! Flashbacks for me have usually been a vague but intense feeling of discomfort, sometimes experienced as waves of feeling, and other times as one overwhelming, long and intense discomfort that leads to light-headedness and tuning out. Physical signs for me are racing heart, shallow breathing, and sweating! The sweating is one of the worst things, because of shame -- losing control becomes visible and sometimes carries a scent -- stress sweat is the worst! The physical symptoms can lead to panic and a kind of feedback loop or something that builds. It can be pretty much unbearable for me. I'll have to actually leave the room, take a bathroom break or go outside and move. I think maybe my recurring nightmare is another kind of flashback, even though it's not of a specific event that happened to me. In the dream, there's an intense fear and dread of a faceless intruder, or potential intruder, in the safe space where the dream was unfolding. My partner tells me I call out, and have weird intense breathing. It's pretty freaky! Hope you're able to make some sense of what's happening for you, Micra. I found the EF info in the forums here really helpful. Just printed out Pete Walker's 13 Steps for Managing Flashbacks found here earlier today -- here's the link again:
http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm

[suffersilence]

for me, other people might not agree, but when I am triggered, I experience EF in the type where I suddenly become quiet, subservient, and non talkative. it happens when someone in authority gets angry at me directly.   That is one form of EF.  There are many other types of flashbacks, touch, sounds, feeling, people's tone of voice, smell. they all can trigger EF. 

I do have other reactions to stress levels like having out of control emotional reaction, in my case, angry outburst.

It takes me a while to get back to normal. when I am quiet and subservient, I can quickly slightly get back to normal once I remove myself out of that circumstance with a person of authority. but for my angry outburst, it takes me a very long time to get back to normal. its a wild swing of a pendulum from being very angry, then back down to having a deep cry, then having to try to calm down by listening to some nice music that lifts me up, it takes me about 2 to 3 hours to finally be calm enough to enjoy life once again.

So those are what I go through.  It doesn't happen too frequently as I try my best to maintain a routine that help me to stay steady in my emotional range, and avoid circumstances that will trigger. but sometimes its unavoidable.

Here in OOTS, everyone have something to share, and are supportive. and I am glad for that.

Silence.

[Blueberry]

for me, other people might not agree, but when I am triggered, I experience EF in the type where I suddenly become quiet, subservient, and non talkative.

If you say that's how you experience EFs, then I believe you. It's not about anybody agreeing or not. In fact, if you check these threads https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=187.0 https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=6928.0 you'll find a lot more examples than in this thread.

It's good to hear you mostly manage a routine which helps you not get triggered Keep up the good work!