calling a hotline

Not Alone · December 05, 2021, 05:50:42 AM

I'm here too, Larry. I hear that you are feeling lost and hurt. I agree with Armee; call 911 or get to the ER. We want you to be safe.

Larry · December 05, 2021, 12:09:10 PM

i am so sorry about last night. i feel better today, but i feel terrible about what happened last night

rainydiary · December 05, 2021, 01:04:32 PM

Larry, I appreciate your update this morning. It is ok to be human. It is also hard to be human and ride the waves our brain creates. I value you and what you share here.

Not Alone · December 05, 2021, 02:44:05 PM

Thank you for the update. I'm you are doing better.

Armee · December 05, 2021, 03:15:47 PM

So glad you got through, reached out here and to your T and a hotline. That's really brave. You did good.

I'm so sad how much you are suffering. Are you aware of what happened? What triggered the intensity?

Bach · December 05, 2021, 05:56:53 PM

Quote from: Larry on December 05, 2021, 12:09:10 PM
i am so sorry about last night. i feel better today, but i feel terrible about what happened last night

Larry, I'm having a lot of trouble with communication lately and am not speaking much but I am another out here who cares about what happens to you. I'm glad you feel better today. Please try not to burden yourself with shame. This is a place where we understand and don't judge in any way, and are just happy that you are able to hang on and come here for help.

Kizzie · December 05, 2021, 06:53:50 PM

Larry, I hope you can feel that so many here care about you, myself included. I'm so relieved you do feel better today and I hope you'll be able to get more time with your T to talk about what happened. Like Armee suggested, figuring out what triggered you so badly can be helpful and that you can do with your T and here.

Larry · December 05, 2021, 08:59:16 PM

i don't really know what triggered me, i felt like when i was abandoned as a kid. it was terible and painful. thank you everyone for being here.

Kizzie · December 06, 2021, 04:56:58 PM

We're here and you have what sounds like a good T, but I was also thinking yesterday that maybe an AA face-to-face group might be helpful? The more support we have from those who "get it" the less alone and abandoned we're likely to feel.

Larry · December 06, 2021, 06:37:42 PM

my T is also experienced in addiction recovery, she has mentioned my drinking , we are going to talk about it more this friday. i don't know how to replace it, i think i only use it to forget and not feel pain. but i know it isn't the right way to handle things.

Kizzie · December 07, 2021, 02:37:57 PM

Most of us don't know how to comfort ourselves because we didn't have parents to show us or to help us through tough times, and we don't have friends/family to help us so alcohol/drugs or any addiction really is one way of coping with the pain. It was for me.

I really hope your T can help you get to the pain and learn how to defuel/regulate it. Medication helped me, not that I want to push that - it just made it easier for me to stop numbing with alcohol while I was working more on recovery. It did get better for me and I I wish the same for you.

Larry · December 07, 2021, 04:14:20 PM

thank you so much kizzie, i did not drink yesterday, not going to drink today, i will find a way, i am looking in to support groups in my area.

Blueberry · December 07, 2021, 06:54:33 PM

Quote from: Larry on December 06, 2021, 06:37:42 PM
i don't know how to replace it, i think i only use it to forget and not feel pain. but i know it isn't the right way to handle things.

Some of us end up replacing destructive coping strategies with less destructive coping strategies. Not ideal, to state the obvious. But imho it's a lot better than choosing a totally self-destructive solution. So if you manage to give up alcohol or even reduce your alcohol intake, you might end up eating or smoking more but if that keeps you from going off the edge psychologically and keeps you from drinking so much you can't function properly, it might be something to consider.

I was actually taught in trauma therapy a long time ago to look for methods with which I can distract myself, even if that means doing hours of sudoku, knitting or taking up juggling or anything of that nature. These days I tend to read or sleep.

Hope you find a support group that you feel you fit in. I used to go to 12 Step groups and they were helpful for me back then.

Blueberry · December 07, 2021, 07:11:25 PM

This may not always work i.e. it might be too much to get through / read but you here's some information on self-soothing: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=62.msg3229#msg3229

Also how to make a handy memo for when you can't remember what helps: https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=7512.0

When distressed, I sometimes roam around the Internet. It's not till I've been doing that for a while that I suddenly notice :lightbulb: - look what you're doing! I used to spend hours on here reading through my old posts, if helpful to me or running through other mbrs' old posts on threads like Ideas/Tools for Recovery https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0
There are definitely worse things to do.

Larry · December 07, 2021, 08:54:54 PM

thank you blueberry. i need to try different things. i don't want to over drink, but it makes me feel better for a while. going to try not to drink today. then maybe try not to again tomorrow. i have went 3 days before, i know i can do it. i just don't want to get hit with so many emotions and feelings again