Hello.

[CIB]

Hello. Starting from around 11 or 12, I was abused by my family. I'm 17 now, but my father stopped me from going out on my own at the age when I should have been going out on my own and socializing. He had terrible fights with mom which traumatized me. My brothers also both bullied me and don't care about my feelings, but the worse one is my middle brother who's abuse, bullying, and hate has destroyed my self worth, any sense of personality in me, and made me extremely insecure.

He's traveled from home and is away now, but for months and months now his abuse has resulted in that I'm always remembering his abuse, and that the things he said to abuse me or the hateful things he said always linger in my mind, always making me insecure, 24/7. He is coming back next month, unfortunately. All this made me insecure, depressed, lonely with no friends, and more. Pretty much all the symptoms outlined on Out of the Storm.

I am currently reading into self-help books, philosophy such as stoicism, literature, etc to help me deal with these issues, but my issues remain anyways, and I'm worried since my brother's coming. So I've come to this forum as a safe space where I can express myself and maybe find help. If you've read this post, thank you! I appreciate it very very much.

[Blueberry]

Welcome to the forum CIB

I'm sorry your brother is coming back soon. I remember when I still lived with my family of origin and had no safe space at all. It's really difficult.

I see you're under 18. You probably have school holidays rn, but is there anywhere local you can go to get help? Or phone or text?

[Not Alone]

CIB, welcome. I'm glad you are here.

I see you're under 18. You probably have school holidays rn, but is there anywhere local you can go to get help? Or phone or text?

   

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS CIB.  So sorry for the abuse you're suffering by your family - it's just so hard to deal with when the people who are supposed to love us hurt us.  We know the feelings around that here so you're in good company and I hope being able to talk about it will help if even a little.

I too noticed you are 17 and wondered if you have spoken to anyone at your school, social services/child protective serves, your doctor or even the police?  Abuse of minors is against the law and you have rights to protection and assistance. 

[Papa Coco]

Hi CIB

Welcome to the forum. Lots of very good people here. We really care about each other, even though we've never met each other in person.

I'm sorry to hear you have no way to get help, but I'm very glad to hear that you are smart and intelligent enough to reach out for coping mechanisms. A year is a long time to cope but it's not forever.  I hope you are able to really use this forum as one of your coping mechanisms. If coping is all that's available to you now, then use the heck out of it. We'll help get you through until you can go out on your own and live the better life you deserve to live.

I'm an old man now, but when I was a teenager, my family had destroyed my self-esteem. The internet didn't exist, so I was completely isolated with no one to talk to. I believed I was the only person on earth with my kind of family problem. Even though it was technically illegal to abuse children here back then, no one really enforced it. The worst thing to happen to a lot of kids then was they'd be taken out of their own homes, and put into foster care, which was just as abusive as their Family Of Origin (FOO).

For me, my greatest coping mechanism in 1970 was to live in my imagination where I felt safe. I dissociated pretty badly and became a very bad student because I couldn't learn while being dissociated all day long.  But it got me through my childhood, so coping worked. Then, as an adult, I still didn't have the resources we have today, in that, no one knew what C-PTSD was, or trauma, or coercive control, or any of those things. You are coming of age into a world where more and more people understand what you've been through, so if you stay diligent, you can heal more quickly than I did.

Stay strong, and stay connected. We're on your side.

[Blueberry]

Hi CIB,

I'm really sorry that there are no laws to protect you where you are. A lot of us on here had pretty bad childhoods too to be honest - just because abuse is against the law doesn't mean we were protected. Emotional abuse especially is pretty hard to prove.

There's lots of good stuff on the forum. This is quite a good space to try e.g. https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=49.0 But otherwise take your time to have a look and you'll find what's most useful to you at the moment.

[Kizzie]

CIB thank you for reminding me/us that as an international community not everyone here at OOTS has the same rights and protections. I'm sorry you aren't somewhere where your rights and well-being are enshrined in law. 

I wonder if there might be a way to connect with others in your country going through what you are via social media? That's really what OOTS is, a way of connecting with others who have been or are being abused/neglected so perhaps there are people where you live reaching out and you just have to find them? Would it be safe for you to reach out?